|Paris, autumn 2012|
it's been long time since I wrote the last time. I'm sorry for that, but my life's been quite hectic from the last time, and I decided to do other things than writing a blog. Today though I feel like sharing my thoughts with you.
I just realized that it's been two years since I actually moved to France. Before those two years, I frequently visited the country after my exchange, because I wanted to know some more about it. And obviously I came here after my chéri. To years ago I changed a page in my life when I finally graduaded from Finnish Upper Secondary School and I started a new, independent life abroad.
I was thrilled to move on and actually start "living" a life of my own, with my chéri of course. My first spot was a little town of Douarnenez in Brittany or Bretagne. It was a brand new kind of France I've never known before; the weather, the landscapes and the people were very different than the people I used to know in Bordeaux for example. I didn't know anyone but my chéri and there were moments it was hard for me. Hard to change a crazy, busy life full of studies and work to a chill, unplanned life without routines, mornings that start with an alarm waking you brutally up. No, everything was really new for me and I think I really needed that periode in my life.
As the time went by, I learned to love Douarnenez's shores and cliffs, the extremely nice breton people and the different kind of living. I didn't work during that spring at all and in the end, I couldn't have gone further with that kind of living, eventhough it was really good for me after that crazy autumn. I decided I wanted to study in France, and live with my chéri, so I applied to École de Beaux-Arts de Bordeaux and to Université Michel de Montaigne Bordeaux 3 for a Banchelor program in Visual Arts. I got accepted to the University so I moved to Bordeaux by the end of August 2011.
I enjoyed Bordeaux life as I used to, but this time I was actually free to "live" for not being an underaged exchange student but an actual student. Eventhough Bordeaux offered a lot of things to do, I didn't enjoy that much of the student life and studies in the University. I got new friends, couple really good ones as well, but the studies seemed feartuless, too theorical and a bit oldfashioned to me. I had an apartment of my own while my chéri lived with his parents working with his dad. I enjoyed life eventhough I had lots of work in the Uni. I studied hard during the first semester, just to know how much I would need to work to keep a good level among my grades. Everything went better than I expected, I got 13,5 out of 20 for my overall score, which isn't bad at all for a foreigner as myself.
When the spring came with the results, I let myself to chill out a bit more and enjoy life. I still got 12,5 with way less of work than the first autumn. I really loved living in France, especially while my life was divided between a life in a big town like Bordeaux and a very calm countryside village like Aillas, were the parents of my chéri live. Nevertheless I slighlty started to miss Finland because I was always comparing the two countries, which, I believe, is quite natural. I do not prefer everything in Finland, not at all, but there are moments when I really miss an organised society where things just happen when they should, where people are motivated to work and where they don't blame about "everything". A place where the art studies are strongly PRACTICAL and where the young artists are encouraged to find a way of their own, without always trying to dig inspiration out of the old ones, out of an art that has already been made!
This homesickness hasn't left me alone, this autumn it has been even more powerfull than ever and I do believe the longer I stay away, the stronger it gets. I'm not saying I would like to move back to Finland to stay 'til the end of my days, but I can't deny it either. I just came back from the holidays and I seriously longed to stay there longer than ten days. I miss the most my family, because while being away I've really realized what they mean to me, and how I'd love to spend more time with them.
I think two years might be the moment, when you do know "too much" about your new home country to actually know what's wrong with it. I admit before I saw only the positive aspects of France, likewise now I know enough about the bad sides. I still love France and many things in this country, but at this point I've seriously started to respect and miss my very own Mother Land, its landscapes, the sauna (!!!), some of the Finnish mentalities, friends and my family of course.
Nevertheless, I'll stay here at least the following semester. For next year, I hope to get accepted to Erasmus exchange program to be able to get to know the Spanish version of Art studies and to aprender a hablar español! Wish me luck!!